To ensure you experience Valentine’s Day as romantically as possible, you need to make sure your house, apartment, condominium, timeshare, orbital habitat, and/or woodland hovel has effective winter heating. Why? Because February can get as cold as the reindeer crap frozen on Santa’s sleigh. I mean think about it. Those deer have got to poop at least once on Christmas Eve, and chances are it’s going to all splatter backward if you take my meaning. I bet the elves have to chip it off with hammers the next morning.
What I’m saying is you have got to be prepared with ample heating resources on Valentine’s Day to ensure things “heat” up. If you take my meaning, which you might not, because I’m using innuendo. I’m told innuendo is like saying, “I’m hungry,” when you’re really only kind of hungry, but who doesn’t love chips and salsa anyway? I think. To be perfectly honest, I was not listening when my secretary explained innuendo this morning.
But back to heating on Valentine’s Day. Are you prepared?
No? Well, good job on waiting until just about the last minute there, Detective Kojak. You’ve just about got enough time to head to MrCool.com, check out our awesome line of ductless mini-split heat pumps, order one, and, maybe, it will get to you by Valentine’s Day. If it does, then you’re going to get awesome heating for your special, lovey dovey holiday. If it doesn’t, you’re probably going to freeze to death, because science.
So, what are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?!! Because, in all seriousness, if that’s what it takes for you to buy a ductless mini-split heat pump from me, we can do that. I have an engraver and everything. His names’s Terry, and he spends most of his time in Sales. Really great guy.