Snow is awesome in December. It’s now so awesome in February. If you want to eradicate snow, I am here to help. If you don’t, maybe this is more your speed, but don’t come crying to me when dark sorcery brings the snowman to life to feed upon the flesh of the living.
I bet you think because this is the MrCool blog that I’m going to tell you a MrCool ductless mini-split heat pump will eradicate snow don’t you? Well, you would be wrong. Yes, a MrCool ductless mini-split heat pump like the DIY, the Oasis, or the Premier is a great way to stay warm in cold weather, but it can’t eradicate snow. It’s not designed to anyway. I guess if you set it up outside it would eventually melt the snow around your house, but that would take ages.
Fortunately for you I have an even better idea.
Tools to Eradicate and Destroy Snow
First! It is important to clearly delineate the snow are you want to ‘reduce’. You don’t want to get too far out of bounds when it comes to aggressive snow elimination. After all, your neighbors aren’t paying you to clear their lawns, so make sure you don’t. If they want to pony up some cash for your hard work, fine. Otherwise, they can stay shrouded in winter’s manifest misery.
Second, be sure you inform the proper authorities that you’re going to engaging in some healthy snow destruction. The best methods used to eradicate frozen condensate may…alarm some observers. No one wants that, so get ahead of the issue with a quick phone call to the city council, local media, and/or state and county law enforcement.
Third, buy a flamethrower from the international arms market and fill it with jellied gasoline. And…well, you know what? I bet you can figure it out from there. I would explain further, but the company attorney just had a seizure when I told him what I was writing. Good luck on getting rid of your snow. Also, buy a heat pump.